Bookish To A Fault (1) - Confessions of a Bookaholic

I'm so excited to introduce my new original feature Bookish to a Fault. Bookish to a Fault is basically where I confess my nonsensical and/or shameful reading habits and bookish behaviors. I hope these posts will act as a reality check because I'm often in denial when it comes to my ridiculous self.

Confessions of a Bookaholic 

For my first Bookish to a Fault, I chose a topic that I seriously need to address since it concerns my wallet. I just need to come out and say it: "Hi, my name is Courtney and I'm a bookaholic". I've admitted this to myself and to others many a time even though my admission has yet to solve anything. I frequently buy books when I still have tons of unread books waiting for me at home. It is an addiction. It's why I have to avoid bookstores like the plague because every time I go to a bookstore, I find myself searching for books to buy just because I can. Because I have that power! I see a book that has a nice cover or that I've been meaning to read for some time, and I'm a goner. From the outside, I may appear to be calmly holding a book in my hand, admiring the cover and contemplating its merits. But on the inside, my logical and irrational halves are engaged in all-out war.

My logical half is asking myself "Do I reallllllyyyyy need this when I have a million other books to read at home? And should I even be considering this ill-advised purchase when I should be saving up and paying off college loans so I'm not still in debt when I'm old and decrepit and have a million cats?" And my irrational side always answers....YES.

It's not that I need the book. No, I need oxygen and food to live, but I don't live on books. I don't need it; I just want it more than anything else at that exact moment. I forget about bills and clothes and sustenance as soon as a beautiful cover catches my eye. It's almost like I'm possessed every time I enter a bookstore. I leave the store with my purchase in hand, but I don't feel like it was me who bought the book(s). Oh no. Something inside of me took over and I really had no choice in the matter. Or at least that's what I'd like to believe...

I find myself thinking, "What if I want to read this book next week? It will be so convenient to just have it right there on my bookshelf." But does that ever happen? Do I ever buy books and immediately read them when I get home? No. There have been times when I cannot bear waiting even another second to read my new book. I will read books right away if they are new releases I have been dying to read, but this is a rare occurrence. Usually what happens is I forget I even bought the book until much later. I will be suffering from one of my bouts of indecisiveness, and I will come across that book I just had to buy weeks or months or even years ago, and then I may or may not read it then. Sometimes, I wonder what I was thinking when I bought it, and those moments leave me feeling guilt-ridden. Once again, I realize I have a problem, and it's not going anywhere as long as I'm in denial.

But it gets worse. I actually try to hide my book buying addiction from my family members. When I come home from a bookstore, I will try to sneak the books upstairs before my parents notice. That's how ashamed I feel! I know that I don't need any more books and that I should read my unread books before I buy more, but I just can't seem to help myself. I love knowing that I'm building up a little library, even though I hardly ever make a dent in my TBR pile.

When I step into a Barnes & Noble or any bookstore, I feel like I'm in a candy shop and all these tantalizing sweets have been set out to torture me. And I can't help thinking, "Courtney, you deserve this! It was a long week so why not treat yourself to some well-earned books? And while you're at it, why not throw in a bookmark?! You've already lost all of your dignity so why not?"

I try to justify my behavior by listing all of the valid reasons why I should buy books in excess:

• What if we run low on paper and books become a rarity? It could happen...how clever of me to buy them ahead of time just in case.
• Books could become extinct. I should save them from their eventual demise. Yeah, this sounds insane...
• It's better that I'm addicted to buying books than buying cocaine. I picked the right addiction.
• I'm supporting bookstores! Well, I didn't save Borders, but I can still help out Barnes & Noble and other local bookstores. And I have a B&N membership so why not?
• They look nice on my bookshelves?
• Many bookstores have cafes. I love hot tea and books. So, I should go to bookstores and buy both. It only makes sense. 
• You can never have too many books! I think...

That wasn't the most convincing list. But what about you guys? Do you buy books when you still have ones that you haven't read yet? Do you frequent bookstores like I do?